What has nearly become a taboo name to mention, has arisen as a forgotten passion of mine. I feel a strong urge to reclaim the sacred teachings of Jesus Christ and the overarching message of Love embedded in His essence.
I left the traditional idea of church many years ago after a lifetime of indoctrination and no longer being willing or able to digest the incongruencies I noticed. For several years, I struggled with anger at the loss of community and connections due to having a different opinion than the majority. It really wasn’t just a difference in opinion though, it was a gutteral defiance of teachings and group think that simply would not resonate in me. In other words, it seemed superficial and conditional and like a hive of like minded people becoming more like-minded and unable to question their own ability to actually experience God. I felt Love had been hijacked and so had the promise of eternal life and incomprehensible glory with my Savior, but my inexplicable need for authenticity prevailed. I honestly did not believe what had been taught to me, well at least not most of it. I guess I believed the part saying I would go to an eternal hell unless I believed every word of the Bible and the man Jesus was my literal Savior. So I walked away in the pursuit of truth with a wounded identity and intense fear of death, aka hell.
Having felt sentenced to hell, I slowly started daring myself to explore the edges during my lifetime given I had nothing to lose as only eternal damnation awaited me. By edges I mean things like doing yoga, shamanic healings, Qoya, which often includes Tarot Cards, sexual freedom, speaking out against sexual abuse, plant therapy and lucid dreaming, among other supposedly hedonistic and satanic pleasures. I gained many insights from this school of thought and connecting with my inner truth and my higher self. I waded in further and further while believing I also drifted farther away from fundamental religious indoctrination and oppressive teachings about Christ. I began learning new ideas about Jesus and the idea of Christ Consciousness resonated. I experienced various energy medicine modalities and “alternative” healing rituals. I meditated. I invested time exploring my internal world and its relationship to Christ Consciousness. I began softening to my soul. I also began feeling a familiarity in the group think and surface level embodiment of the teachings. The typical sunset yoga poses and spiritual #af merchandise struck the same discordant nerve as WWJD bracelets and Christian rock bands had many years ago.
Then I had a vivid awareness, maybe even a vision, of Jesus turning tables over in the synagogues frustrated that His Father’s house had been made into a den of robbers. Mark 11:15-18, Matthew 21:12-13
And that’s when shit got super real for me.
Recalling His expression of anger at the same things that annoyed me somehow provided the exact catapult I needed to square up, soften and listen to Love. Even Jesus got angry at religious perversion of the Way, the Truth and the Life . I felt understood as I began to understand Him. I had a personal “come to Jesus” meditation in which I inherently remembered that I am made in God’s image. The Holy Spirit was a deposit guaranteeing my eternal fate and nothing could separate me from the Love of God because I am the Love of God; a portion of it, of Christ Consciousness ….which is the same as the Body of Christ according to 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 (ESV)
“12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves[a] or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.
14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts,[b] yet one body.”
I thought I had wandered off and rejected my only option for heaven in order to discover a different teaching that would rescue my wounded heart. I realized it was never the teachings of Christ that hurt, it was the corruption of those teachings that damage our soul; when we separate the Spirit from the physical body, the God self from the human self. The human tendency towards “Pharisaical” egoism and the incessant desire to be right have distorted the meaning of Christ and its ability to penetrate our core.
If nothing can separate us from the Love of God, then how were we born separated and doomed to Hell? And how does our disbelief in what a group of humans, controlled by money and societal expectations, call the Bible keep the door to heaven shut? Do I really need to pay for others to heal me and master yogic teachings to inherit my ascension? Will crystals really protect me? What about an unwavering determination to surrender to Love and let it lead? If God is Love then Love is God.